Starting Fresh

I'm back! I've been a dead-beat blogger these past few months and I apologize for that. I had a particularly emotional day yesterday, and when nothing else seemed to make me feel better, I began to type up my thoughts and feelings.

These past few months have been particularly diffiuclt for me, and I honestly feel that this is the toughest period I've ever faced in my life. This is mainly because I've faced disappoint in all aspects of my life; personal and professional. I lost my grandmother very suddenly in September, had to face the realization that the plan that I had for my life would not be fulfilled, unhappiness at work, and the frustration that I repeatedly invested energy into a friendship only to receive nothing in return.

I also reviewed the list of goals that I had set for myself at the beginning of this year and was disappointed that many of them never materialized.

While these all sound like complaints, I want to make it perfectly clear that the purpose of this "comeback" is not to wallow, but to instead begin anew. Rather than retracting and allowing myself to fall apart, I want to make serious changes in my life.

What I've learned:

(1) There will always be those who are only interested in themselves. You need not fault yourself for their lack of consideration, nor waste your time waiting for them to change in order to meet your expectaion of them. Accept it as it is, and move on.

(2) For me, nothing is more therapeutic than a walk outside.

(3) Expectations are necessary for growth, but I will not be so hard on myself if I cannot meet them. Sometimes failure is a blessing in disguise, and even if it is not, make the best of any situation.

(4) Learn to love with my choices. I've spent a lot of time harping on "What ifs..." which I do not want to do anymore.

(5) Even when it doesn't seem like it, there is goodness in the world. I need to appreciate those who have been there for me.

What I hope to accomplish in the coming year: (Consider this an advance on my resolutions for 2010).

(1) Blog more...I mean it! This felt good.

(2) Become involved in volunteering/charity. I'm not sure how, but I regret that I've never gotten involved in some sort of volunteer work outside of the requirements for National Honor Society in high school. I'd love to participate in Habitat for Humanity or something along those lines.

(3) Read at least one book per week. I finish with my MA in December, so I will have considerably more free time than I have now. Although this could be the conclusion of my formal education, I refuse to allow my mind to atrophy.

(4) I've always wanted to learn how to surf or (as you may remember from my post) play guitar. I'd like to at least attempt one of these before 2010 is over.

(5) Mostly, learn to love myself and be comfortable with who I am. Even though it seems simple enough, I feel I haven't allowed myself to do so. I will get there though.

There may be more to come, but I'll start with these for now.

Cheers!